I am physically immortal... NOW!

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I suppose it would be good to start at the beginning first ... WHO WAS I BEFORE??

The old life was ordinary in many ways... extraordinary in others. There is so much to the story of who I used to be that I feel like it would take a book to explain me... let me try to give the "Cliff's Notes" version...

I was born in 1971 in a county hospital in the small southern Oregon town of Grant's Pass to a hippy woman and a Black man transplant turned lumberjack. I lived with them until my father left when I was four. My mother took the trip south to Arizona where she went to a few years of college at ASU and reconnected with her ex-husband who became my step-father. Said step was a drug user and eventually abuser and eventually abused my mother as well. My mother finally got fed up when I was sixteen and my brother who she had with the step-father was 8. I pretty much never left home except for brief spots here and there at ages 20 and 21. My mother moved to mexico in 1999. I had experiences that led me to Phoenix in 2002.

Now I am here.

Where I feel I really begin is October 2008. A strong need to shed ALL that I ever was came over me as I began feeling myself more and more on a physical level (read the prior entry to see more detail on this). Then in December 2008 I joined with People Unlimited to be with people who can understand the journey of the body more clearly.

So here I am... living as best I can in my current state and ever-changing and evolving into something new. I am looking forward to the great things to come!

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of physical immortality...

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So I decided to put the story of my journey in physical immortality here in this blog. I mention it in my other blog but I think it gets lost in between the day to day things of life.

Below are the immortality related items from entries from my livejournal blog all in one place... this is my new life story so that I can remember how far I have come even in these short five months of meeting Chuck, Bernie, and Jim and becoming a part of People Unlimited. And to see how I move in the months to come.




Things I have written in my other blog...


DECEMBER 2008

Dec. 16th, 2008

Monday: People Unlimited
Life has changed. Forever has changed. There is so much more even with as much as I have been letting go of. In all the pushing and releasing I have done in my life lately seems to have made room for a whole new thing. My body already knew what my mind did not comprehend. It's going to be an interesting journey.

Friday: People Unlimited
I totally forgot about the thing on Friday that Jessica et all were in and hung out with my other non-poetry family. I love them too but usually only on Mondays when there is little to no poetry.

Monday: sick day / People Unlimited at nite
I stayed home and FINALLY rested after all the fabulously fun running around and overtime I have been doing for weeks. I did run a few errands in the afternoon though. Felt good enough in the evening to go to people unlimited which is always cool. The largest collection of amazing people in one room ever. Which considering how much I love all the poetry people is saying a LOT.

RE Matthew
he is he and I am me and we are friends who love and will be friends in a kind of forever that can't be fathomed by the standard mortal mind. It didnt start that way.

It started with a new poetry friend that quickly became a new flirt friend (I cant be a cougar and not pounce on the fresh meat right?) who asked me to hang with him one saturday nite and manhood had him not turn me down for overnite (no sex). So OK we both knew that the attraction only went so far. But if you have met him and have ANY male orientated attraction in you, then you know he has that certain inexplicable SOMETHING. His intensity, an almost palpable passion for life. There it is right there. he is ALIVE in a way that is beyond anything that I have ever known before. I admitted to him that I wanted to be as close to that life and absorb as much of it in a physical sense as he would let me.

then... came the jealousy... NONE OF YOU BITCHES ARE GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM. I mean, I know that in the end as amazing as he is and as powerful as his personality is, he is still just a man... and yet... unless you're immortal, you are so not good enough. call him when you stop dying and then I will be impressed.


Dec. 27th, 2008
so life has been pretty constant. overtime at work, bellydancing, a bit of poetry here and there, and spending a lot of time with a group of people who are so amazing it is like waiting for the other shoe to drop to see the crack in all this positive vibe action. they are a pretty solid group of folk.



JANUARY 2009

Jan. 3rd, 2009
a few months ago I felt an overwhelming need for EVERYTHING about me to change. Included in that was the get rid of furniture soon to be followed by the get rid of the clothes but in between has this raw foods vegan thing going on.

it is doing something I have never done, and it is for my body. This body is a fiesty lady let me tell you...

so OK you all already know that I dont age because never married, no kids, black don't crack, no drugs, no alcohol, no smoking, barely any sex (like once every other YEAR), etc... well lately I have been looking in the mirror and feel like not only am I not aging but I AM ACTUALLY GETTING YOUNGER. no frikken joke. crazy right? I thought so too. but... I am always up for a challenge and was like OK Miss Body whatever you are doing I'm going with it.

The raw foods vegan was part of the body plan to cleanse and create a new foundation for continuous regeneration at a cellular level. So I am thinking for the next 70-100 years I will always look 15-25 years younger than my chronological age (until I look 65 or so when I am 80 then the "grey zone" would hit and I would stay the same until I die)... well... that is what I was THINKING was the deal... until...

Physical Immortality. NO F*CKING JOKE. just.not.dying. SO that is where this road is leading and I know that for the next 50-60 years the bastards are going to be watching me closely waiting for my demise... and the true people will cheer me on and support me in my eternal youth (or however immortality manifests) and maybe even join me. we'll see. :-)



Jan. 22nd, 2009
I have this really great support system that is not just about money but more about my physical well being and also emotional well being. LIFE coaching. It's great so far and I imagine will only get better as I work on my life. :-)


Jan. 31st, 2009
I had a little joy last night listening to people talk about the importance of being direct but tempering that directness with a care for the person you are being direct with. Tempering it with a care for their LIFE. Especially the life of someone in that 150+ group. That is why we are all there. For LIFE.

I wanted to express PLEASE no one in that room to ever hold back on me. I'd rather they hurt my feelings or offend me rather than think something I'm doing is not for my life or is not whatever. but I didnt. The event went late as it was. but it was really good. There is so much care given to be sure to tell how much we appreciate each other. To point out all the amazing things we see in each other. But then there is this other thing apparantly where we hide the bad. FACE EVERYTHING. AVOID NOTHING. It was good. I'm glad I got a ride to go.

SO... Now to build from here and move FORWARD and UPWARD.

about the ride...
Got a ride to the people unlimited meeting in the evening. I was hoping to perhaps bond with a new friend (friend only though - some readers need that clarification) on the trip to and from but we are not on that vibe with each other apparantly and with me being out of focus because of the car thing and him not being a super talkative person like the matthew, well... made for a quiet ride. Not like if I had rode with one of the other folk that I know in the group. But bless him anyway for coming all the way from Chandler to get me.



FEBRUARY 2009

valentines and a very nice party at the Down Under Wines by the Chandler Fashion Mall (even with the drama around the matthew friend's now ex-girlfriend)... somewhere in there I bumped into a former co-worker and we have been in contact but have yet to hang out... and of course People Unlimited meetings mixed in there... Speaking of People Unlimited, they gave me the $400 for the deposit on my car repair. WOOT! :-) ... so the car is fixed and one of my unlimited peeps offered to loan me the money to get it out. which reminds me I need to call him ASAP and make that arrangement.



MARCH 2009


Mar. 8th, 2009

There are places in me that I am not sure about.
I am living with the duality of my poetry versus my immortality.
I had felt that my words would outlive me and even if only a few saw these word children of mine then that would be enough. I have a soul that is not longing to be free of this body vessel but at the same time I am crippled by the sentimentality of the poet that is my current defining characteristic. Who am I as a poet if I can not reach into the hearts of the readers and listeners and touch the places they hold most dear? How can I get to these places if I do not know how to get there within myself? I have heard the common themes of death and hurt and even joy and love (wrapped in obligation and attachment in most cases even when romance is paired with happiness) and I feel these so deeply. Letting go of some of the aspects of this intensity that I have grown to love so much is important to be able to move freely and yet I have loved the extremes of emotion so long that I am finding this transition difficult.

I am so small in this big world. I feel so small today. I can see into the universe inside me and see the vastness of the energy that makes me who I am but it does not flow from me in a way that feels useful. sometimes it is so close to my fingertips but I haven't got the energy to stretch to reach that last inch. I am quiet and alone at home with no ambition but to read my friends' blogs online and love them from afar. Tomorrow I will make my way to the place that revives my cells and gives me a bit of energy. I have to do this every Monday and Friday. I have to see these people's faces. All these amazing people and I have to remind myself that my finding them was no accident. I have been trying to remind myself that I am there because I am amazing too.



Mar. 12th, 2009
Lauren apparantly never reads my livejournal even tho I comment in hers from time to time. She doesnt realize that I am in the same group as the matthew friend. Because apparantly he is in a cult. She has never met these people and doesnt know who or what they are or the dynamic of what we do for each other. I am mostly on the recieving end right now with them because of how my life is but I know that eventually I will be able to be a more giving member of a group that is not family or any other "normal" dynamic but is way better. SO... if being alive and going for my life to the fullest means that I am in a cult. I'll be that. F*ck it.



Mar. 18th, 2009

Who has a group of people who have a common goal of life and look at each individual in the group with the purpose of making their life the best possible?

*raises hand*

I DO! :-)

Yeah so life is not PERFECT (whatever that is) and I am trying to move so that I can have, be, and do more. But I know I have a solid support group who I have to get over the pride and actually ask for help when I need it.

I have a friend who is from Israel and she offered to rent me her car until she gets back (about 3 weeks). It actually feels weird to have a car again. It still does not fix the fact that I cant pay for my car. But at least I am more mobile.



Mar. 26th, 2009

I had a great weekend with my People Unlimited... a 4-day weekend event (Fri-Mon) where we talked about health and money and relationships and how to do better with all of the above. So frikken cool. I am determined to move in positive directions ...NOW!

Sunday night after the event a bunch of us went to Dave and Busters in the desert ridge shopping center. I wasnt going to bowl but my friend Audrey paid for me and it was SO FUN! AND I WON THE FIRST GAME! Not like I was really paying attention to the score at all. Just someone said "you won Miouo" and well whaddayaknow I did! OK so it was only an 84 game and NONE of us were bowlers AT ALL and it was just for fun but yeah, I like winning! :-P
The second game I forget who won now but I remember she had 82 and I had 81. 300 bowlers we ain't! The guys (and Audrey) were on the other lane. I didn't even look at their scores. I think they all were in the high 100-200 range. :-)




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