Duality

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it is an interesting place for me to be in the middle of two conflicting worlds. Both sides are adamant that the other is dead wrong (literally, DEATH is the end result of being involved. One in a spiritual sense, one in a physical sense). I disagree with both sides on this issue.

The pressure of the people is more of a hassle than the actual place where my own mind, body and spirit are. I have to listen to myself. I have had a guidance my whole life that has led to supernatural things like precognition, telekenesis, clairvoyance, and channelling. Both sides find these things to be false. But for me they are not. So I am with one for my physical and one for my spiritual and I love them both but will not pick one over the other. Both sides can take this how they will. But it will be this way for me. And both sides can want me to show up to prove myself but I will be where I will be and if that is in their physical presence then I hope they will enjoy me when they have me and not put that guilt and obligation on me. This is what makes me stay away from both.

The sad thing is that one side is WAY more likely to be happy with me as I am and welcome me every time they see me back in their company whereas the other is so exclusive that I feel that it will not be that way. They will be civil to me but not embrace me. This is what makes it harder and harder to be in company with part 2 of my being no matter how much I love them and want to be with them. I just don't want to be with them as often as I did in the beginning right now.

The thing is, I am not an island. I need to be around other people who believe similarly because going it by myself does not feel good to me. Separation is death and I am alone on both sides today. I have to be somewhere and I would like to be able to be in both places. I'll just stay where I am until I am sure in my center what to do. When I get a car in January it will be different and I will have more options. I am going to be alive in this body a looooong time so I do need to be sure to do what is best for me now so that I can have the best life. Both side have their opinions and will tell me passionately. In the end I am the only one who truly can know what is best for me.



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