2011-01-08 05:26
.
he said "you're a pretty girl"
I said "that's my problem;
I am a girl trapped in a woman's body"
to which he replied "no you're not.
I misspoke. You are all woman"
no, he was right the first time
was right in his assessment
of who and what I was
What I am still at this moment
I am the bright eyed child
enthralled by the world around me
tossed by my poet heart
into roller coaster emotions
riding the fantasy of infatuations
dipping into the heart of melancholy
angst is not only for teens
but also for the teen at heart
and I will be forever 21
just old enough
but still young enough to be stupid
or perhaps just purposefully unaware
my naivete surrounds me as an aura
glowing in the pores of my skin
glimmering out of my eyes
when I smile it is there
and it shines in my tears
expectations crushed by reality
where do I get these ideas?
where do these ideals come from?
their lie I keep believing
to the point of breaking my own heart
over and over
and tonight is no exception
no matter how many times
I say I will walk away from the pain
there is just enough pleasure
to bring me back
to hold my hand
to touch my skin
then yesterday turns into today
and everything is suddenly different
I am cast into the free fall
to be injured in the landing
this was a jump with no shute
I want to end happy
but right now
there is only this pit
deep in the bottom of my stomach
this ride is making me sick
.
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